So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
