we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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