shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
