I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
send nudes
from the living room?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
