He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
