okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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