so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
