East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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