he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize