it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
