so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd cum for enchiladas.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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