meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
