i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
