matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
