You work out of a Hotel?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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