just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
