i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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