Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
