:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
