I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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