On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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