We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
