Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
