i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I smell like Dick and happiness
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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