I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
