Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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