Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
