would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
