I puked a lego.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
