dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
