'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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