Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
