Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
