i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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