Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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