the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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