Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
