I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize