i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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