Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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