i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
