I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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