i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
