I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
