I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
