so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
farters have to be the big spoon...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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