After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
