I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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