The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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