so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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