I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
