she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
