i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
