Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
