I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
