Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.