i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.