I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....