i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that