Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.