she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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