New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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