there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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